Now I really need you, Julie.

I was thinking today and I think I got to a point where I'm desperate for Julie Powell.

I was on the phone with my dad today about my bank account and he kind of said something that sounded distrusting and hurtful. I tend to think he doesn't trust me, but if he does, I want to hear it straight up. I don't want hints about it.

This doesn't mean that I want someone to tell me they don't trust me, but if I had a choice, I'd rather he tell me instead of drop hints about it.

For example, say I had a choice of someone yanking my shirt collar and dropping ice cream down my chest or putting a slice of pizza in my butt (those are just example, but it's a long story of how I made them up). I'd rather have the ice cream down my chest, but I don't mean that I want someone to just do it flat out. If I had a choice.

So if my dad doesn't trust me, then I don't care. I was calling him for help. I rarely ask for help. And he decided he'd rather say my strange bank account was my fault than being confused with me. In fact, he said "I'm upset about this." And I was like "I know. Me, too. It's very strange". And then he said "No that. You." Which was causing me to wonder why things are my fault.

I don't want to say it necessarily makes me a push-over, but more like a freak. Well, I don't want to be a freak. And my father doesn't like to trust me. Mom's awesome. I really like my mom. She's cool. But in the case of the mysterious disappearance of fees from my debit card, she'd agree with my dad.

And if Mom's going to agree with dad leaving me to blame and fixing the problem myself, I feel the only one who would support me is Julie. The last thing I think aboiut is wanting to kill myself. I just want to learn why I'm a stupid idiot with no brains, and especially an unawanted habit of being creative.

OK, so I suck. I procrastinate, I act like a 24 or 28-year-old. Who cares? That's me. And the only one who I know would agree with me is Julie. I love Julie and I worship her. Julie is an awesome and wild lady. NOT obsessive or dull. She just had a hard life. I can relate.

With distrust and creativity from my parents, more like my dad because Mom's often on my side, the only person I think I need is Julie.

What would I do without Julie?